IrReverend
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Breaking News: 'The Howard' engaged!!
| Quote: | -- Wednesday, February 14, 2007 --
* The Howard Gets Engaged! 02/14/07. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: A Baba Booey song parody to the tune of ''Babe I'm Gonna Leave You,'' Train performing ''Calling All Angels'' live in Howard's studio.
Howard started off the show talking about his computer being locked up and trying to get that fixed. Scott the Engineer was working on it and had it fixed within a few seconds of the show starting. Howard asked Robin why she didn't call him back last night. Robin said she was sleeping yesterday because she's sick. He said she never calls him back when he calls her. She said she just couldn't get out of bed.
Robin said that Howard doesn't think that she knows how to check her voice mail or even her e-mail. Robin said she heard her phone ringing but she didn't even get up to look at who was calling. She's still a little stuffy today.
Howard said he gave Beth a gift for Valentine's day and he wanted her to hear what it was so she could make fun of him. Artie had an idea of what he was about to say... the marriage word. Howard said he's the one who started the rumor. Artie started laughing at Howard so he told him to stop. He joked that he bought her a Pajamagram and that was it.
Artie said they have to play the tapes of him saying that he would never get married again. Howard said he knows but now he's just engaged, and he plans on staying engaged for 10 years. Howard made the official announcement that he is engaged so the guys were all goofing on him. Fred wanted to know if he had to get married to her. Howard said it wasn't like that, she's not pregnant.
Howard said he had a nice life and he's mad at her for doing this to him. He said she did say yes when he asked her. Gary came in and asked for the specs on the ring. Howard said that back around Christmas he started thinking about this and ended up going to this guy he knew to get the ring. He said that the guy was there at SIRIUS to help him out on the whole ring thing and Beth was scheduled to come down and do some stuff for Howard TV that day. He had to ask Doug Goodstein to reschedule her.
Howard said that their life is great together and he wasn't looking for a change but there are some people who treat her like she's his ''floozy'' or something like that. He said he kind of sees what goes on with certain people so this might help.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he wishes him luck. Howard thought he was laughing at him because that's what it said on the computer screen. Dominic congratulated him on the engagement. Howard said that he's thinking of taking on Beth's last name because of the confusion with Howard K. Stern's name. Artie said that some people will get the story wrong and say that Howard K. Stern just got engaged.
Howard took a call from a guy who did laugh at Howard for getting engaged. He goofed on Howard about the whole thing. Howard went on to say that the whole thing was very romantic but Beth didn't break into tears or anything. That kind of thing has been over for years.
Howard took another call from Wolfie who said that he remembers back to 1999 when he said he would never get married again. He said it didn't take him long to change. Howard said it's been 8 years so it's been quite a while. Robin said that this has been going on for a couple of years now, it's not like it just happened.
Artie asked if he had a pre-nup in the works yet. Howard said they haven't gotten that far, but he will have one. Ronnie came in and offered to do the bachelor party for him. Howard said Ross already asked him when that's going to happen. He's still in shock over the whole thing.
Robin pointed out that Howard didn't feel up that chick who was in the studio yesterday. Howard said it would have been a bad idea to do that on the same day he was asking Beth to marry him. The guys were also talking about Beth getting pregnant and having a baby. Howard said that's just not going to happen but the guys said they can picture him walking the baby down the street in a stroller. Howard said that stuff looks like complete torture to him and he can't imagine going through that. He said he's happy for his friends who have kids but he can't go through that again.
Howard said he called Beth's parents last night to let them know what was going on. He joked that he told High Pitch Eric too. Gary said that Beth told him at one point that she was going to be ''Mrs. Stern.'' Robin couldn't believe that she missed the call about this yesterday. Howard said he tried calling her twice yesterday and he never got through.
Howard got back to the story of how all of this came about. He was thinking about it back around Christmas. He was going through that when he saw he had a guy on the phone saying that he was an asshole for getting married. Howard said he's not married yet though. He said he's not ruining anything. The guy said there's nothing wrong with stability but they already have the stability. The guy said that the fans are going to slam him over this. Howard said the engagement is off then. He was just joking but he said he couldn't take the pressure.
Howard said that he really is shaken up. He was trying to tell the story but everyone was giving him a hard time. Artie asked him when he thought that he was going to get officially engaged. Howard said he still hasn't thought about it. He said he did talk to his kids about it about a year ago and has been thinking about it for a while now. It turns out he's not as much of a player as he thought he was going to be. He doesn't need to be married but he felt that there are people who think that it's not a real relationship because they weren't married. He said that Beth doesn't seem to care if they're married but he thought it would be a nice thing to do.
Howard said he spoke to this guy Richie about getting a ring. It was around Christmas but he didn't have time to get the ring done so he got Beth a necklace instead. The guy was surprised when he asked about a ring but they put it off until after the holidays. He said he's been looking at rings for a while now and he kind of knew what she liked.
Artie interrupted and got on his megaphone as Beth and said he was knitting baby booties. He also got on as Beth's mom and goofed on him. Howard said that was it, the engagement is off. Artie did some of his own Grandma Caprio impression before Howard could do it.
Howard tried to get into the details of the ring but he wanted to know if anyone else wanted to goof on him. He said he didn't talk to Fred last night but did speak to his wife. Howard asked Artie if he thinks that he's nuts for doing this. Artie said that he thinks the whole therapy thing helped him get to that point. He said he's been around people who are in awful relationships and Howard really got lucky finding this person. He'd like to bust his balls but he thinks that he's setting up a very happy ''rest of his life.'' Howard wanted to know if anyone thought it was a mistake. No one would say it was.
Howard said that they are engaged and planning to get married at some point. Artie said he thinks Howard is setting up a nice, relaxing future. He thinks it'll be a happy time for him when he retires. He'll have Beth and he'll be able to relax and vacation when he retires.
Sal came in and told Howard that he's very happy for him. Then he asked what happened to Beth saying that she never wanted to get married. Sal said that Howard is forcing her into it then. Howard said this was all his idea, she never demanded it from him. Howard said it's all his decision to go forward with it. Sal was laughing at Howard and wondering if Beth was going to want a baby. Howard said he told Beth that the baby thing isn't going to happen so Beth said that they might have to get divorced some day if she changes her mind about that.
Howard told Sal to get out of there. Sal told him that eh's the one who will be in misery 10 years from now. He said that it's like Jekyll and Hyde. The guys asked Sal if he was coloring his beard because it looked kind of odd. Sal said he wasn't doing that and swore on the life of his kids he wasn't.
Benjy asked Howard if he knows what time it was that he did the engagement thing because he saw that Howard was writing about Scott DePace on their email system. Howard said it was before that and it was all over by then. He was back to work within a short amount of time.
* The Engagement Ring Story... And Goofing On Howard. 02/14/07. 6:30am
Howard got to the story of how he came up with the ring design and picked out the diamonds. He asked for the ring to be ready for Valentine's day. He got it around 4pm yesterday. Robin said that there are a lot of guys who are on their knees today asking girls to marry them and he's one of them.
Double A called in and congratulated Howard on the engagement. He said that he's become Howard's bro over the years and this couldn't have happened to a nicer person. Double A said he wouldn't hesitate to marry Beth if he had her, but he's not going to get married because he's having too much fun at this point.
Dominic Barbara called back in and put his wife Leslie on the phone to congratulate him. Howard thanked her for that. He joked that it would be funny if Leslie started tapping out S.O.S. on the phone to get her out of that marriage. Howard thanked her for the call and then Dominic got back on and said that they will film the pre-nup as a 3 camera shoot. He said he'd love to be part of the wedding but threw in a ''Daddy, wipe me'' joke.
Artie got on the megaphone and did his Beth impression. He was calling as Beth and saying that it was time to take little Howie to little league practice. Howard said that's it, the marriage is off. Artie continued to goof on him about that but then tried to get Howard back to the ring story.
Howard said he was looking to see if anyone who was coming in today was going to bust his balls. They didn't have any guests who were going to do that. He said he was getting woozy over this whole thing. Robin told him it was a good move and he should stop worrying about it. Howard said he can dish it out but he obviously can't take it when people goof on him.
Howard got back to the ring story and mentioned he got it yesterday. He said it looked good and he hadn't discussed it with many people at all. He said he mentioned it to his shrink and his agent and accountant. He didn't even talk to his parents about it. He didn't know why he would do that. he said his father didn't even get on the phone to talk to him least night when he let his mother know what was going on. Robin thought that was kind of crazy. He didn't even call back to talk to him after his mother was supposed to tell him about it.
Howard said that he and his father know each other about as well as two strangers on the street. The guys found it hard to believe that Ben wouldn't get on the phone with his son when something huge like that happens in his son's life. Howard said he's used to that though. He said that his mother was excited about it.
Artie was laughing at Howard about that whole thing. Howard said that got him thinking about how his father didn't call him back. He took a call from the back office where they were playing clips of his mother talking about how dreadful this was. Howard got a laugh out of that.
The news had already hit the news wire so Gary brought in the first story. Howard read the story and got a few laughs out of that. He then took a call from Blue Iris who told him that she'd blow him before he gets married. Howard thanked her for that and then Blue said that she takes the cake for giving the best blow jobs. She also told Howard that she always feels safe when she hears his voice. Blue said she's feeling good but she has to lose 30 pounds because the doctor told her to do that after she suffered her stroke.
Howard let Blue go and said that he's going to be busy today and he wasn't going to be able to give her the ring today so that's why he did it yesterday. He asked her if she wanted the gift early but demanded that she get naked for him first. She didn't want to do that because she hadn't showered and had just eaten so she felt fat. Howard said that he told her she could wait for tomorrow if she didn't get naked so that's what she said she'd do.
Howard said Beth asked him what he got her and asked if it was jewelry. He said that's not what it was but it was something she really wanted. Howard said they went to the bedroom so she could get naked for him. He said she removed her clothing and so did he. He said he had a boner so he ran into the other room and got the ring box. He said the dog was smelling his balls and ass as he was running around and that was grossing him out. he said it was really annoying. Howard said he was a nervous wreck at the time.
Howard said he hadn't prepared a speech so he wasn't quite sure how to ask her to marry him. He went into the bedroom and palmed the ring so she couldn't see it. He then told her he loves her and she means everything to him. He said he knows it's ''so gay'' and then continued the story where he said something like ''I'm asking you to spend the rest of your life with me...'' Artie did one of those coughing things where he says ''Cough..Haggot'' and Fred played some Gilbert Gottfried laughs and ''What are you a homo!?''
Howard said Beth was very surprised when she saw the ring and thought he was goofing on her or something. Howard said that if she didn't like the ring, she could have told him and he would have had it changed. He said she loved the ring and it even fit her perfectly. He didn't know what her ring size was, they just took a guess.
Robin said she saw Beth asking Bubba's wife about what cut her diamond was when they were at their wedding. Howard said Beth wanted an emerald cut so that's what he got for her. Artie said he could have hooked Howard up with his diamond guy. Howard asked him what size his diamond was. Artie's was 4 carats and Howard got Beth a 5.2 carat diamond.
Artie asked Howard if they would be laughing at him if he told them what the ring cost. Howard said ''yes'' so everyone laughed. Robin congratulated Howard on the whole thing. Howard said that he and Beth started fucking after she got the ring and they couldn't stop talking during that. He said she had a very powerful orgasm after that. Fred said it was a ''5.2 on the Richter scale.''
Howard said he made the series of phone calls to everyone after all of that. He said he called Beth's parents and spoke to her father and asked if he had his blessing. The guy, Bob, said he had to let that all sink in after he asked. He said that if he wanted him to call it all off he'd do that. Bob told him he thinks Howard is a good dude and they're a great couple. Both of her parents gave their blessings for the marriage and he said it was kind of weird to go through all of that.
Howard went on to talk about how he didn't squeeze that girl's tits on the show yesterday. He said he told Beth that he didn't do it so she told him to go ahead and do that stuff if he wants. He said he should call Beth and talk to her today. He asked Robin if she wanted to hear what she sounds like as an engaged woman. Robin did want to hear her.
* The Future Mrs. Stern Calls In. 02/14/07. 7:00am
Gary told Howard he was going to call Beth and put her up on the phone. Artie said he took more shit for breaking up than these people are giving Howard for getting engaged. Howard took some phone calls and one woman congratulated him. She said she never thought that she'd ever hear this. She also wanted to talk to Beth and congratulate her. Beth was on the phone a short time later. Robin thought she did sound different. The woman on the phone congratulated her on the engagement so Beth thanked her for that.
Beth said that Howard was thinking of not talking about this today. Howard went on to talk about how he has no desire to have kids. Beth said she's with him on that. Beth asked if people are giving him crap already. Howard said that Artie has been on the megaphone already.
Gary came in and said that he overheard the guys in the office saying that Beth didn't want to get married and the whole kid thing could be the same way. Howard said that he's not going to allow a Wrap-Up Show today and no Superfan Roundtable this week if they're going to discuss this stuff. He said they're all going to be fired if they bring it up.
Howard said that he and Beth have been together for 7 years already and they have tested the waters so he knows this will work. Howard said that these people who are making fun of him are out of line. Robin said that no one has been making fun. She was laughing as she said that.
Beth was claiming that Howard just handed over the ring and didn't really ask her to marry him. Howard said he did though. The guys ended up talking about how weird it was that Howard's dad didn't call back last night. Beth said that her father had one condition for the marriage. He doesn't want Howard calling him ''dad.'' Howard said that he said the right thing when he asked that.
Beth said that she's going out to lunch today and she'll be showing off that ring to her friends. The guys told her not to say where she was going because the paparazzi would be taking pictures of the ring. The guys asked Beth what this means to her. She said she was still letting it sink in.
Gary thinks that this is going to hit the NY Post on the cover tomorrow. Howard said he doesn't think that will happen. Gary said he's so going to be on the cover. Howard said it'll probably be a small mention somewhere, nothing big. The rest of the guys insist that it will be the cover story. Gary also said that any pictures of Beth in a wedding dress will start surfacing.
Howard said that they're very low key and not looking for any attention. Robin said that there will be no quiet ceremony. Beth said she doesn't want people asking for a date because they haven't set it up. Robin said that they can't have a small ceremony, they have to have everyone there. Beth said this is the most beautiful Valentine's Day of her life. Gary added ''...except when you give birth.'' Howard said that if they had seen Beth stripping down last night, they wouldn't have had a second thought either.
Artie said that whenever he gave Dana a gift, she would make him put on more clothing. Beth said that while they were having sex last night, she was staring at her ring with her hand up in the air. She said that they had a fun time doing that. She said they have a great sex life. She thinks that they have gotten very comfortable with each other over the past 7 years and she can see it getting more comfortable. Howard told her not to get too comfortable though.
Howard took another call form the back office. It was the guys playing clips of Ben Stern talking about marriage and telling Howard that divorce is very popular these days. Beth thought it was really Ben, not knowing that they were playing audio clips. Ben told Howard that he was wrong for doing this and he shouldn't go through with it. Howard said that was Sal having a field day back there.
Beth said that the ring is not obnoxious and it was very beautiful. She said she doesn't want to take it off but she has to go to the gym today. She said that was very sad that she had to take it off. Beth said that their dog was screaming in pain from the ice out on the street this morning. The salt they put down on the street eats away at the dog's feet. Beth said there is a salt out there that doesn't hurt the animal's paws so she wants to find out more about that. The salt they use now gets into Bianca's ''vagine'' because she sits in it when her feet start to hurt. She said that it doesn't just hurt the animals, it gets on little kids and stuff when they're being walked around on the street.
Artie said that Beth was making a good point and she should keep it in mind for when she has a kid in a couple of years. Howard told him that's not funny and asked him why he's there, doesn't he have a FOX deal? Beth got back to the salt thing and said she really wants to find out more about the special salt so she can try to do something about it. Robin and Artie congratulated Beth on her engagement as Howard was letting her go.
* Back To The Regular Show... 02/14/07. 7:25am
Howard said he had to go to break but he wanted to play a prank call. He wondered if he should play Richard's latest call or the Jack and Rod show they did. Howard asked a caller what he wanted to hear as they were going to break. The guys got sidetracked when they asked Robin if she thinks this would inspire Mr. X to ask her to marry him. Robin said she hopes that doesn't happen, she'd have to turn him down. The guys spent a little more time talking about the whole ring and wedding thing.
Howard played the prank call he played yesterday where Richard calls a pharmacy and has some dry heaving problems...
* More Later... 02/14/07. 7:30am
Figured this was big news so I'm posting some of today's update a little early. The rest of today's update will be posted later this morning. |
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